i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
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