I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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