Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
