i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
