Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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