if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
