By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
