Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
