my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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