I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
