I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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