Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
