Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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