I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
