She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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