I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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