in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
