babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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