Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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