You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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