shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Couch. On fire.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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