R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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