I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
