a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize