u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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