JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
