Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
