Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
