We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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