is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
