Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
