It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
