At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
