i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
