so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
How does it feel to date your dad?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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