Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
