I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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