Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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