At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
