you guys were way drunker than both of me
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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