i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
