You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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