I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Mom said you looked used
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
