In the future we'll all be gay
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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