If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
