I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
