well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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