My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
