I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
