the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
