I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
