YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I came so hard my ears popped.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
