I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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