So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize