i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize