We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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