I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize