TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize