we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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