Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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