I'm jealous of your bromance
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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