Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
